Kinning

I have mixed feelings about kinning and non-humanism. People should be able to describe or express themselves however they feel like, but denying reality, humanity, and your identity can send you into delusion, psychosis, or a disconnect from life itself.
Despite all this, I've been feeling different lately. For a few years, I've felt like various non-human beings. Never as if I am one, but that they describe me well, sometimes even better than humanity does.
I've always felt like a robot or an alien when it comes to my autism. An overly smart, walking dictionary, who doesn't know how to talk right. Who asks questions like "what are you supposed to do with your spit?" and "can I ask the doctor for a hug?". Sometimes I feel like a monkey or other wild but smart animal. Misinterpreting smiles for malice, always on edge, feeling like everyone is a completely different thing from me. I've always related to fox-themed characters, like the girl from Miraculous and the one from the Hunger Games. Smart, sneaky, untrusted. 
Then there are things I like to imagine myself as, or that give me comfort, but I don't actually have a meaningful connection to. Angels, dogs, cats. Imagining a life as an angel, with no threat, just an eternity of worship and comfort and light and love and someone to listen to me and someone to hold me when I cry and someone to bring me Belgian chocolates and McDonalds chips... A pretty temple with Greek key motifs and pillars and pillows and flowers. It feels like a more mature way of wishing I was a fairy princess. I like to imagine being a puppy because they don't have any responsibilities and they're allowed to do what they want. People think it's cute when puppies bite stuff or run around a bunch and bark. My parents don't like it when I do the same... the woke left's fault. And I like imagining being a kitty because they get lots of cuddles.
Maybe I'm just 6 years old but I really love imagining just being allowed to be myself. If I was an angel and someone made fun of me, I'd just banish them to hell. If I was a cute puppy or kitty, no one would ever yell at me for running around or yelling or crawling around.
And I say I don't think I mask... Sighs at self in an affectionate but slightly sad tone.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Abandonment of Science by the Left, and the Adoption of Progression by the Right

Science has gone from being a very leftist and progressive subject to a weapon for the right. Science vs Religion has evolved into Rich vs Poor, or more simply, Institution vs Common Man. I believe this has something to do with how people view science: The rich white man's way of controlling the population. This confuses me, since, in comparison to other subjects, at least from my observations, science is so incredibly diverse. If you contribute to science, regardless of your background, you will be remembered forever. Stephen Hawking (disabled), Alan Turing (gay), Ada Lovelace (female), Neil deGrasse Tyson (Black)... and those are only off the top of my head. AI has become right-wing. Robotics have become right-wing. Cars have become right-wing. Planes have become right-wing. Space has become right-wing. Psychiatry has become right-wing. Anything that requires funding or has been utilised by a bad person has become right-wing. I don't know who I blame more - right-wingers for ...
Read more

Birthday Boxing Day

 Hello, I'm now 17. Eek! My birthday was incredible. I got everything I asked for, and more. I had one panic attack and one close-call - the close-call around 2pm, overstimulated and close to a meltdown, and the panic attack around 10pm, from anxiety about getting old and feeling bad that my dad didn't get to be there for it. But I dealt with it. I got: - a new laptop - 2 FNaF posters - paint supplies - makeup supplies - a weighted dino plushie - clothes - a touch-activated squishy duck lamp - a murder mystery solo game - Scooby Doo purse and shopping bags - slime - a scooter - a sit down bicycle exercise thing - Playstation giftcard And probably other things I'm forgetting. I feel very spoilt and very happy. I think this is the best birthday presents I might have ever gotten. I had a great day too, my mum made me toast for breakfast, no one upset me, I hugged my stepdad for the first time in probably almost a decade, I got to see my uncle, I had cake, I got to pet my uncle...
Read more

Plastic Surgery and Feminism

I hate how some feminists try to police women's bodies because their choices are "influenced by the patriarchy". Everything is influenced by the patriarchy. If I grow up and decide I want a nose job, because I think it would look cute (let's say I had a broad nose or something), yes, that would be a decision influenced by the patriarchy. Society sets up unfair aesthetic standards for women. But I'm grown. I can make decisions. If I decide to wear a really short dress, sure, that's a decision influenced by the patriarchy. The choice of style was popularized by sexual advertisements and modelling, designed to arouse men. But most of these feminists will also say "I don't dress/wear makeup for men". How can you not understand how surgery is the same?  Also, I completely believe you can dress/get work done/wear makeup completely for yourself. I think the real problem is women acting like other women are dumb because they want to make their own choice...
Read more