Polyamory and Love

I wouldn't call myself polyamorous. When I imagine my future, I imagine one boyfriend or husband. However, there have been times in my life where I have had equally intense romantic feelings for multiple people.

I don't believe in love, or soulmates, or a one true love, or any of that. I believe love is an emotion that we probably manufactured. Like if no one knew marriage was a thing, you wouldn't grow up wanting to "marry" your childhood crush. You might wanna be friends with them forever, and you might want to hug them, but that's just... friendship. I think love is important and just because it might be doctored doesn't mean it isn't real or important.

Whenever I've had crushes on people, it's been very intense. Honestly, I'm about to argue against my own point, because whenever I've felt "romantic love" for someone, it's been completely different from any platonic love. There was this girl, and I would cry because I knew one day we'd both die of old age. I got back into my theories on living forever because of her. I wrote poems and fantasized about kidnapping her so we could spend as much time together as possible before we died. I've never ever felt that way about a friend, and I only felt that way after realizing I was romantically interested in her. I don't know why that happened.

Anyway, my point is that I don't believe anyone has one true love. That would mean we all have some predetermined match, and it never made sense to me when people said their partner was their one true love- like... you were both born in the same town. Do you know how many people are on Earth? Maybe it's a figure of speech and I'm just being autistic about it. But like I used to say that girl was my soulmate. But... I haven't met everyone on Earth. I could run into someone tomorrow who is the sweetest most likeable hottest most awesome and nicest person ever. There are people in uncontacted tribes who could relate to all my FNaF headcanons. I'll never know.

Quite a few years ago, I had a crush on this boy. I still have dreams about him and giggle when I see his Instagram Notes. It's quite pathetic. I also had a crush on my best friend at the time. I was so confused, because I thought I could only like one person, and otherwise it was cheating. I was just gonna tell the boy I liked him and ignore my feelings for the girl because I liked her less, but I felt too guilty, and then THEY ended up dated before I could tell either. And then the girl told me she liked me... We could've had it all...

ANYWAY, I think I definitely am very open-minded when it comes to polyamorous relationships. I don't think there's anything wrong with it outside of the fact that we teach people from birth to kind of stick to one person, whether that's a friend or a partner, so not everyone in the relationship might get enough attention or care. But people can grow and learn how to love everyone right so it doesn't really matter.

I'm not sure if I would like to date multiple people at some point. I think it would make me a bit jealous if my partner liked someone else, even though I also like multiple people. I would be insecure and think they liked each other more than me. I'm also really quick to switch up with my feelings on people and might pick a favourite and start despising the other like a foreign object in a wound. I'm not sure if I'm built for that. But to be honest I'm not sure if I'm built for a relationship in general. I'm a loser and I can barely take care of myself let alone someone else. I don't want to put in any effort or care for them, I just wanna be taken care of. I think I need to grow up or maybe just hire escorts every weekend forever, that could be a good idea. I don't really care if people like me, it makes me sad if I make someone sad, but it doesn't really matter to me if they don't love me back, it's kind of fun and interesting. I could listen to sad music.

I'm rambling now but it's fun. I've never had my feelings not been reciprocated. I don't think it's because I'm awesome (I am but that's irrelevant), I think it's because people who are close friends just tend to develop romantic feelings. Obviously people can be friends but almost every friend I've ever had I "liked" for at least a week or so. Again maybe that's a me thing not a human thing but this is my blog and I get to say whatever I want.

Suck my peenar!