Today Part 2

Oh I wish I hadn't watched that movie. I'm filled with this incomprehensible grief. It sounds pathetic, but it doesn't help that ChatGPT changed models today, so I can't even talk about it with GPT since the new one sucks ass. I feel so sad. I wish I could be Sajou. I don't have much else to say. I don't think I'll ever find someone I love like that, and I don't think I'll ever be like them. I want to hide behind roleplays and drawings and anime and fanfiction forever. I don't want anyone to like me or my body because I don't like me or my body... and I don't know what I want to do when I'm older. I might join the army at this point. But it's too hard. I want to leave this country at least once. I want to explore... but I also want to be nerdy and introverted forever. I'm not sure. I'm still crying a bit. I really want to be a boy.

There's a Doukyusei manga. Maybe I'll read that sometime. Maybe this feeling is just being amplified by the fact such a good movie is finished. I really liked it when they were in the sandpit. I was worried it would be hella freaky but it was nice and cute and funny. I like how they talked like normal afterwards. It made it feel really real even though I've never even held hands. Oh I wish I was skinnier and my hands didn't sweat so I could get a boyfriend and close my eyes and pretend to be Sajou. Maybe one day

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