Sans

One could say that I'm currently having a Bad Time, which is why I titled this blog as such. I can't stop sleeping, and I'm bored and obsessed with slop. I'm fat and ugly too. But that is not true. it is what your mind tells you... I started a new medication for my new diagnosis, which also has been getting me down. But the worst part is, it makes me so sleepy all the time. I already had to go down from 10mg to an emergency decrease to 5mg, to 2.5mg a day because of the side effects. UGH! It's so fucking annoying and makes me feel out of control of my body, and when I am paranoid it makes me think that they are going to try to hurt me when I am asleep. NEXT, I am obsessed with slop. I keep rewatching videos I've already seen instead of finishing games or continuing series that I actually love. It's so freaking dumb. I feel like it's like when I learnt cursive. It sucked but now I know cursive. Reading and watching and playing boring things right now will suck, but will be good afterwards. But how the hell do you make yourself do boring stuff when you have access to da Interwebs? Even when my wifi went out this week for a whole day, I would rather sit on the loading YouTube video for 9 hours than open the book beside me. I'm so cooked and I don't know how to fix it. I'm fat and ugly, minus the ugly. I actually think I am quite pretty when I am not pulling an ugly face for fun. But I am overweight. And it's a vicious cycle, because when you weigh lots, it's harder to move because you have to move more weight. It's hard for me to walk around and it makes me feel ashamed of myself. But I know it's not my fault. It's not like I just sit around eating bad food. I had a really hard time with my eating disorders and now my body is trying to take on as much as it can in fear that I'll start starving again. It's a lot to worry about when I feel so dumb. I just want my schooling to start.

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