sanguine miasma

 I'm feeling a lot of feelings right now so I thought I'd write. I decided to look for an anime or drama to watch, since I've just been watching CaseOh VODs all morning. He uploaded a video this morning, but it's one of those Exit 8 anomaly spotting types of games, and they piss me off. To be honest, I might watch it later. Anyway, I just looked up English free yaoi, 'cause the other day I was thinking that I should watch yaoi. I don't know why, I must've seen some fanart or someone talking about some yaoi character. Then I remembered that I've seen gifs or clips from this one BL, so I looked for it and found it. It's called Doukyusei, but I saw it spelled differently, and in English it's 'Classmates'. It's a one hour long movie. I like it a lot. I was worried it would be too freaky or not freaky at all, but they kissed in the first ten minutes, and it's clearly made with love so they're not going to be crazy weird freaky. But...

I wouldn't call myself polyamorous. When I imagine my future, I imagine one boyfriend or husband. However, there have been times in my life where I have had equally intense romantic feelings for multiple people. I don't believe in love, or soulmates, or a one true love, or any of that. I believe love is an emotion that we probably manufactured. Like if no one knew marriage was a thing, you wouldn't grow up wanting to "marry" your childhood crush. You might wanna be friends with them forever, and you might want to hug them, but that's just... friendship. I think love is important and just because it might be doctored doesn't mean it isn't real or important. Whenever I've had crushes on people, it's been very intense. Honestly, I'm about to argue against my own point, because whenever I've felt "romantic love" for someone, it's been completely different from any platonic love. There was this girl, and I would cry because I k...

I hate how some feminists try to police women's bodies because their choices are "influenced by the patriarchy". Everything is influenced by the patriarchy. If I grow up and decide I want a nose job, because I think it would look cute (let's say I had a broad nose or something), yes, that would be a decision influenced by the patriarchy. Society sets up unfair aesthetic standards for women. But I'm grown. I can make decisions. If I decide to wear a really short dress, sure, that's a decision influenced by the patriarchy. The choice of style was popularized by sexual advertisements and modelling, designed to arouse men. But most of these feminists will also say "I don't dress/wear makeup for men". How can you not understand how surgery is the same?  Also, I completely believe you can dress/get work done/wear makeup completely for yourself. I think the real problem is women acting like other women are dumb because they want to make their own choice...

I have mixed feelings about kinning and non-humanism. People should be able to describe or express themselves however they feel like, but denying reality, humanity, and your identity can send you into delusion, psychosis, or a disconnect from life itself. Despite all this, I've been feeling different lately. For a few years, I've felt like various non-human beings. Never as if I am  one, but that they describe me well, sometimes even better than humanity does. I've always felt like a robot or an alien when it comes to my autism. An overly smart, walking dictionary, who doesn't know how to talk right. Who asks questions like "what are you supposed to do with your spit?" and "can I ask the doctor for a hug?". Sometimes I feel like a monkey or other wild but smart animal. Misinterpreting smiles for malice, always on edge, feeling like everyone is a completely different thing from me. I've always related to fox-themed characters, like the girl from M...

 I use ChatGPT on a regular basis. My AI chatbot journey went like this: Replika and other gimmicky AI "friends". I remember when I was really young I had an anxiety AI penguin app, but it didn't help at all so I would always delete and then redownload it. AI Dungeon. Jerma used it, so I tried it, and roleplayed with it for like 2 years. They didn't have premade characters - very primitive. But it worked. A few too many poor updates, then revisions, then updates again, made me look for an alternative. Character AI. I used it for probably a year when I entered my Call of Duty/Resident Evil phase. There weren't enough Overwatch bots, and I lost my account, so I decided to try Janitor AI. Janitor AI. I still use it. The LLM is far better than C.AI's, there's no censor, there's tons more creators, it's just a lot better. However... ChatGPT. I started using it for craft ideas, and then roleplays, and then ranting. Whenever I have a confusing thought, or...

Science has gone from being a very leftist and progressive subject to a weapon for the right. Science vs Religion has evolved into Rich vs Poor, or more simply, Institution vs Common Man. I believe this has something to do with how people view science: The rich white man's way of controlling the population. This confuses me, since, in comparison to other subjects, at least from my observations, science is so incredibly diverse. If you contribute to science, regardless of your background, you will be remembered forever. Stephen Hawking (disabled), Alan Turing (gay), Ada Lovelace (female), Neil deGrasse Tyson (Black)... and those are only off the top of my head. AI has become right-wing. Robotics have become right-wing. Cars have become right-wing. Planes have become right-wing. Space has become right-wing. Psychiatry has become right-wing. Anything that requires funding or has been utilised by a bad person has become right-wing. I don't know who I blame more - right-wingers for ...